The Road to Baby
Becoming a mom was not something I questioned early on, I assumed from a young age that that is what women do. In my twenties there was a point where I said, “Well I don’t have to have kids, it’s my life and my choice”. It was freeing to think that because our worth as women isn’t solely based on being a mom. Being married for over 6 years and now being pregnant, I am way less judgmental on all things marriage and babies. Life is tough and your choices are yours. But I didn’t hold onto that thought for long. I knew I wanted to have kids.
When my first niece was born. I was 24 and engaged. The first time I held her is so ingrained in my memory. As soon as she was in my arms, head propped against my shoulder, everything felt right. I knew I wasn’t scared for when I would have my own kids someday. Holding her didn’t make me nervous or unsure. Then she started sucking my neck, I think she was hungry! I loved being an aunt before becoming a mom. It was such a great way for me to experience young kids, getting lots of practice, mentally filing away tips and tricks for my future as a mother. Since Sofie was born, there have been other babes that have joined our family. All of them truly make me smile and bring me (and my husband) so much joy.
My husband and I started a business about 4 months into our marriage. It was also under some unique circumstances. I won’t go into detail about this even though I love being transparent with people, to a fault I might add. Suffice to say, we were newly married and living a very frugal lifestyle while learning how to run a business. Having kids was the last thing on my mind. Since those early days of our business, God has truly blessed us. I get choked up thinking about all the hard work, sweat, late nights and long hours we put in. But we saw the fruits of our labor. The more customers we worked for, the more people talked about us, the more business came our way. As we finish our 6th, and head into our 7th year (what?!) of business, we are more blessed than ever.
Marriage is hard. I would argue most married couples would agree with me. And if you don’t agree, tell me all your secrets! Like any couple, we have experienced bumps and bruises along the way. You don’t make it 6 years without some growing pains. I look back on some specific memories I have and think, “Wow, I can’t believe we made it out of that situation still married”, truly. And then I think, “Thank God for sustaining us”. I wish I could go into more detail about our struggles, but they are deeply personal and not to be shared on this platform. If you are struggling in your relationship, I see you. You are stronger than you think, and it doesn’t last forever. Do whatever it is you need to do to cope during your difficult time. Even if it means taking showers at 3 o’clock in the morning to cry it out. You do you.
Getting my college degree was top on my list. I didn’t exactly take the linear and predictable route after high school but I completed my bachelor’s degree, in my own way and on my own time. After some trial and error, I decided on majoring in Communications, Mass Communication and Media Studies to be exact. That decision was made in conjunction with where I wanted to graduate from, which happened to be Arizona State University. I had such an amazing experience there, from the coursework to the professors to the support staff. There are days when I wish I was still taking classes (I would not have said that in high school!) because I loved it so much. I’m proud of attending school while being an adult student, managing work and life, graduating summa cum laude. Finishing my degree at ASU was such a great decision; online coursework isn’t easier, but more flexible with your schedule.
I can still remember (as I’m sure many of you can too) people’s comments to me about kids. Most of the time, people were respectful when we told them we didn’t have kids yet (key word!), that we wanted to wait, etc… But there are some things that people have said over the years, hurtful things, that made me feel bad for not having kids and/or implying that we were being selfish, the infamous “you’re not getting any younger” quote. What? I understand that in some cases, people were projecting their fears and worries about their own life, or their past decisions, on me (and my husband, he heard the comments too). I am so happy with the decision we made to wait. There are few things in life that I have felt 100% certain about, and this was one of them. The sting of those words have worn off (for the most part) but they are still so clear in my head.
The timing of wanting to get pregnant came later last year. It wasn’t just that we wanted to try, but I felt deep in my heart that it was the right time to start. Any worries or fears, or things I still wanted “finished” before we conceived didn’t matter anymore. I also had no idea if we could get pregnant right away. My Mom had trouble conceiving the first time. I was preparing myself to be patient but was also aware it might not take long. I know couples that could not conceive for a while, have experienced the loss of unborn babies. I knew what could happen, both good and sad.
Soon after I turned 31, I told Matt he had the green light, ha! He’s been ready longer than I have been, but I also try and be level-headed in situations where Matt can be more spontaneous. Once we started trying, I knew I wanted it to happen so bad. The result of the first test I took was somewhere in between positive and negative. Was I pregnant? Of course from the start of this process, I was devouring articles about getting pregnant, reading anything I could find online. From that, I knew had to give my body a chance to build up the pregnancy hormone, if I was pregnant.
The next test I took, the next day, was early in the morning. We were out of town that week, staying in a hotel. I went to the bathroom, took the test, waited and then crawled back into bed. Matt asked me what the test said and I was still a little shocked when I told him, “It’s positive!”. I could not believe it. That day we were celebrating one of Matt’s relatives getting married so we were surrounded by family the whole weekend. That first day we knew was so fun. We had this amazing, special secret that no one else knew about. We would look at each other throughout the day and just smile. It was surreal and beautiful.
Even today, the shock hasn’t totally worn off. Every time we hear the heartbeat, I have to choke back tears. The first ultrasound was magical! To see that little babe squirming around was the best. We were finally able to share the good news with our families and friends over Christmas. The icing on the cake was telling my family, while we were taking family photos! Check out my instagram post of this if you haven’t already seen it. We truly do have some amazing people in our corner, ready to support us and love on our baby.
I would love to hear your pregnancy story or things that resonated with you in this post. Please post a comment below!